Baby's In Black
by Lightning Lindy
Summary: Say goodbye to the wonderful surgeon, father and husband. AU! COMPLETE!
1. Tears and Rain

This story is named after a Beatles song, and I will try to keep the song theme going as much as possible. I'm sure there will be some improvising. The Globes were so depressing for me. I was hypervenitaling, I kid you not, when they were announcing the nominees for 'Best Drama' and to have Lost win was heart shattering. Oh, well there's always SAG's. Oh, Thanks to Beauty in the Breakdown21 and usuckirock27, I love you guys. Thanks for putting in your imput here and there!

On with the story.

* * *

**Tears and Rain**

" Today, We say goodbye to the wonderful friend, husband, father, son, and brother who touched us all with his kindness and compassion.With his eagerness to learn and to share what he knew. The man who had loved life so much. He was dedicated to his job. He adored his staff and his patients were always treated to his upmost ability. But at the end of the day, the most important titles that he carried would always be husband and father. He loved his wife and daughter more than anything else" his aging mentor, Richard Webber, anounced.

It was raining in Seattle. It always rained in Seattle, but today the rain meant more, specfically it meant more to the surgical staff of Seattle Grace. Today the rain symbolized those in mourning of the dear Derek Shepherd. The kind, helpful, McDreamy Chief of Surgery who was the rock of Seattle Grace Hospitial. Residents, attendings, and interns a like watched his casket. Most of them couldn't believe that this had happened, especially his family. How could he have left them so soon? How could he have left his daughter this soon? She was three. Addison and her sister, Christine, walked up to his casket and placed two roses on it.

" I love you and I'll miss you," Addison whispered just loud enough for him to hear as multiple tears shreaked down her face. " I know you tried for her. For us. I know."

Derek's mother, Helen, was next. " Watch over them. Like I know you will."

" Bye, Uncle Derek. You were always my favorite," said Derek's oldest niece, Molly with her mother, Derek's oldest sister Laurie, right behind her. The rest of his sisters followed them. Each with their own secret message to their brother.

" I never really let you go." The intern that had saved him from drowning five years ago thought to herself. George and Izzie were on either side of her. They each placed a single rose on the caket. As the trio turned away, Meredith pivoted and said aloud, " Goodbye Derek."

>> 

At the Shepherd house, Addison, Helen, Laurie, Karen, Amanda, and Diane were surrounded by a sea of hugs, tears, and apologies.

Izzie, whose puffy eyes and red nose declared to the world that she'd been crying, gave Addison a huge hug, " I'm so sorry." Addison started to cry with her. " I am so sorry, Addison," Izzie said letting go, " Anytime you need me. For anything. Kennedy. Groceries."

" I know," Addison said nodding. " Thank you,"

" Dr. Shepherd," George said crying. Addison smiled at the confident surgeon who was before her, remembering the gawish intern that he once was, " My deepset condolences."

" Thanks," She said crying. He strenched his arm and touched her arm. George walked on allowing Meredith to fill his spot.

" Addison, my sympathies." she said. There was a moment of awkward silence before Meredith began to walk away.

" Meredith, thank you," Addison said. Meredith returned to the spot in front of her colleague.

" If you ever need to talk or anything, don't heistate to call,"

" Thank you. That offer means more than you could imagine," A single tear fell down her face.

Meredith began to cry, " He was a great man." Addison nodded silently as she watched his ex-mistress walk away.

>> 

After the guests had left, Addison retreated to her bedroom with Christine.

" Why, Chris?" Addison asked her older sister while sitting on her bed, smelling one of Derek's t-shirt. It smelled of scotch, and cologne. " Why him? Why now? Why?" Christine hopped into bed with her sister and gave her a big hug.

" I don't know Bug," She said. Honestly, she was wondering the same thing herself. Why?

" It should've been me," she said beginning to cry.

" Add," She said.

"No, don't Add me. It should've. He was so good with her. I was supposed to go first. I just don't know how to do this with out him," She said crying harder and harder with every word.

" Mommy?" Kennedy said coming into the room. " Mommy, are you ok?"

Addison began to wipe the away the tears, " Yeah. I'm fine. Come on, I'll tuck you back in." She said getting out of bed, and grabbing the little girl's hand. They walked across the hall.

" Mommy?" Kennedy asked as she hoped into bed, " Is Daddy in heaven? Cause Essa said Daddy was in heaven." Essa was Jessa, Addison's 13 year old niece, who had watched Kennedy for the day.

" Yes, Daddy's in heaven." Addison said sitting on the bed.

" Can I see him?" She asked curiously.

" No. But you can talk to him. And even though he's not going to answer you, he can still hear you and he still loves you."

" Am I still his angel?"

Addison smiled, " Of course, except now he's your angel too. He's your gardian angel and he's always going to be watching over you."

" Ok. Oh and Mommy?"

" Yeah, babe."

" Do I get one of Daddy's t-shirt's too?"

" Of course," Addison said with a smile.

" Can I sleep with it?"

" Yeah. I'll go get you one." Addison said leaving the room to retrive an old flannel t-shirt of Derek's. " There you go,"

" Thank you Mommy,"

" You're welcome. Good night Kennedy, I love you,"

" I love you too." Addison walked back into her bedroom and sunk into the bed.

" You know, you're way better with her than you give yourself credit for." Christine said, leaving the room. " Good night, sis."

" Night," Addison turned on her side and fell asleep with the smell of Derek forever imprinted in her.

* * *

For those of you who've read my Gilmore stuff, you should know that I don't plan to cut this off like I did Lost. I love Grey's too much to just end it like that. And I know, I've got to stop killing people off. It's just not nice, but it's one of my favorite things to write. Which I'm sure will lead you all to believe I need therapy or a neuro consult. Maybe a scruffy guy, who lives in a trailor and likes to fish and give his redhaired wife odd nicknames. Can you oblige? REVIEW, PLEASE! 


	2. Iris

Mucho thanks to Steph and Jen, you guys are awesome!

Disclaimer- Don't own Grey's. Don't own Dora.

* * *

**Iris**

I glanced back up from my chart. Derek had just found the clot in Jason McClear's 3rd thorasic vertebrae. He looked up at me as if to ask my opinion. I nodded at him.

" See it?" Derek asked Izzie, as they both look through the microscope.

" Yeah, I see it," I noticed Derek swayed a little as he closed and opened his eyes.

" Ok, that's it. Good work..." Derek dropped to the ground. I jumped out of my seat, and pressed myself aganist the wall.

" Dr. Shepherd? Dr. Shepherd?" Izzie dropped down to take his pulse. " Somebody get a gurney in here!" Izzie looked up at me for a breif second, before helping get Derek on the gurney.

" Oh, my God," Meredith was right next to me. I started to run out of the gallery and she followed me. We were running side by side down the hall, but it just keep getting longer, and longer and longer.

Addison gasped as she woke up in her bed shaking. _It was just a dream_.

" Mommy, you ok?" Kennedy had been sleeping with Addison regularly.

" Yeah, Kenny. It's ok. Go back to sleep." Kennedy scooted closer to her mother and dosed off. Addison played with her daughter's hair for a moment before she too fell asleep.

>>

" Ok, I got you bread, peanut butter, cold cuts, marshmellows, chocolate, some fruit, graham crackers, kleenex, paper towels, chocolate, ' How to Lose A Guy in Ten Days', ' Walk the Line', and some more chocolate," Izzie said placing two bags of groceries on the kitchen table later that afternoon.

Addison who was seated table smiled at her, " Thank you so much. I know your schedule is probably so crammed, but I just.."

Izzie cut her off, " Hey you were my mentor, you brought me soup the week I had the flu, and you've probably saved me from atleast 20 drunk driving incidents, this was the least I could do,"

" Thank you," Addison said again.

" You're welcome," She smiled sitting down next to Addison

" I had the dream again."

Izzie looked at her wide eyed, " Did you?"

"Yeah, except this time Meredith was with me. And she tried to out-run me."

" Did you ever make it?" Izzie asked with a concerned look.

" No. I always wake up before I can."

" I can't believe you won't see someone. Your husband died, Addi." She said a little too loud.

" I know," She swallowed hard as she looked out the window.

" I'm sorry,"

" No, it's okay,"

" No. It's not."

After a few moments of silence, Addison spoke again, "I have to go get Kennedy." She got out of her chair.

Izzie followed suit," Uh, yeah I've got to go to the hospital. Patients await. Let me know if you need anything."

" Yeah I will. See you and Eric for dinner Friday?" Addison asked refering to Izzie's pediatrician boyfriend.

" Yeah, definately. Bye, Addison," She said walking out the door.

" Bye Izzie." Addison waved, shut the door, and fell against it. _I can't be here. I have to go get my kid. Come on, Addison get up.You have to get out of this house. _She gently pushed herself off the floor, grabbed her keys, and went to her car.

>>

" Hey, K. How was your day?" Addison asked her daughter as they headed toward the car in the daycare parking lot.

" It was good. I made you a finger painting." Kennedy held up a piece of paper with blue, green, and purple smeared all over it.

Addison smiled, " It's beautiful. Thank you." Addison opened the back seat door and blucked her daughter in.

" Can I turn the radio on?" Addison asked, glancing at her daughter through the rear view mirror.

" Ok." Kennedy said looking up from her Dora the Explorer coloring book.

Addison switched on one of her favorite stations as she came into a stop light.

_And I don't want the world to see me,  
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand.  
When everything's made to be broken,  
I just want you to know who I am._

God, she hadn't heard this song in a long time. Addison knew she should change the station, but she couldn't. It was their song afterall. She gently mouthed the words, as tears dropped on to the steering wheel.

_And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming,  
Or the moment of the truth in your lies.  
When everything feels like the movies,  
Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive. _

And I don't want the world to see me,  
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand.  
When everything's made to be broken,  
I just want you to know who I am.

And I don't want the world to see me,  
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand.  
When everything's made to be broken,  
I just want you to know who I am.

The light turned green and Addison made her right hand turn, all the while in silent tears. She remembered the feeling of his hands against her hips. She remembered the sound of his voice. She remembered his smell. She remembered.

_And I don't want the world to see me,  
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand.  
When everything's made to be broken,  
I just want you to know who I am.  
I just want you to know who I am.  
I just want you to know who I am.  
I just want you to know who I am..._

When the song ended, Kennedy looked up to see her mother crying, " Mommy, you're not okay, right?"

Addison finally let down her shield, " Yeah, babe. Mommy's not ok."

* * *

The song is Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls hence the name of this chapter.So what'd y'all think of it? I loved it, which is what counts right? REVIW 


	3. Saturday in the Park

**Saturday in the Park**

" So, K, what's next on the list?" Addison aked her daughter while pushing the grocery cart through the cerel section.

" Uh...Coffee ice cream." She gave her mother a toothy grin.

" Oh really?" Addison questioned.

" Uh-huh. See it's right there next to Oreos." Kennedy lifted the list and pointed to some chicken scratch.

" Really? Cause that looks like," Addison squinted at the small print, " carrots to me."

" No, it's Coffee ice cream I swear."

" Huh, sure."

" It does Mommy. I swear."

" Really? Do you swear on your blankie?"

" Uhhh...no,"

" Ok, then," Kennedy crossed her arms with a huff. " K?"

" Yeah," Kennedy said annoyed.

" Would you like me to get Coffee ice cream?"

" Yes. Mommy, I wish Daddy was here. Daddy always smelled like coffee ice cream."

" Yeah,K. I know."

" Mommy, I miss Daddy."

" Yeah, I know. I miss him too babe," Addison said while planting a kiss into her daughter's dark brown hair.

" I can't believe I said that," Izzie said, standing over the bathroom sink applying her mascara.

" You were concerned," Eric said standing next to her, appling gel to his brown hair.

" No, I was a bitch,"

" Maybe, but a very concerned bitch,"

" Well, in that case..,"

" Sarcasm was never your strong suit," He said interuppting.

" You are so not helping," She gave him her best evil eye.

" Well, that's my job," He said kissing her cheek.

" You know, you're lucky you're so hot," she smiled.

_Ding.Dong._

Addison opened the door to reveal Izzie and Eric," Hey guys, come on in," she said, ushering the pair into the house." K, come say hello. Eric's here." She said with a smile. She knew how much Kennedy adored Eric.

" ERIC!" Kennedy shouted while she ran down the stairs and jumped into his arm. " I don't need any shots, right?"

" No, you don't," Eric laughed in reply.

" Good, cause I gots lots of stuff to show you," Kennedy wiggled out of his grasp, and started to pull him up the stairs. Eric looked to Addison for reasurence.

" It's ok. Dinner still has about 10 minutes in the oven."

" Alright, K. Show me," Eric said as he followed the 3 year old up the stairs. Izzie and Addison made their way into the kitchen.

" I want to apologize," Izzie said while sitting on a bar stool.

" No. Iz, I..," Addison put hand up in objection.

" No. Let me finish. I was unthoughtful and I'm sorry."

" It's ok."

" Ok. Well, if we can pry those two away from each other, we could get this show on the road,"

" He's really great with her," Addison said with a twinkle in her eye.

" He's in peds, Addi. It's his job to be great with her."

" He's really great with her."

The next morning the doorbell rang once again. Addison assumed it was Charlie, her UPS guy, but you know what they say about assuming.

" Hang on, Char. I'll be with you in a," Addison stopped herself when she realized that Meredith Grey was standing at the door. " Oh, Meredith, I'm sorry. I thought you were my UPS guy. Come in."

Meredith gently stepped inside. " Yeah, I brought muffins. No nuts. My shift doesn't start for a while and I thought I'd stop by."

" Thank you," Addison smiled. After a moment of awkward silence, Addison spoke again," Do you want to take a drive?"

" It was his favorite spot," Addison said to Meredith as they reached a bench at the nearby park, " Whenever we fought or when a close patient died, he'd come here. And if no one could find him, I knew he was here. I never did figure out why it was so special. It's just a stupid park bench," Addison began to cry, " She's three and her favorite thing in the world is coffee ice cream."

" His favorite," Meredith remembered.

Addison nodded as she wiped away a tear, " His favorite. She says it smells like him. Anyway, I wanted to share this with you."

" Thank you,"

* * *

So are we singing praises of joy? I know it's short. I'm sorry. Sorry for any punctutation mistakes,too. It was like 6 in the morning when I typed this and apparently I thought that commas were periods. Hopefully, I got most of them. Anywhoo, thanks again to Jen and Steph, you guys are such awesome writers and listeners. REVIEW! And OMG! What was with that promo? Mer's got some serious explaining to do! 


	4. Crying

**Crying**

Meredith entered her house that afternoon after her shift with one thing on her mind, this morning. George was sitting in front of the TV with a bowl of popcorn watching Ellis Grey rip some guy's face off. Meredith just stood by the door frame. George smiled at her and pressed pause.

" She's not Satan anymore,"

Confused, George asked, " Who? Addison?" Mer nodded. " I know that."

" And now I know that. And I refuse to have anyone call her that in my presence."

" Ok," George said simply.

" Ok," Meredith made her way next to him, taking a handful of popcorn out of the bowl.

>>

" She really, really misses you." Izzie said quietly after placing a boquet of flowers on Derek's grave. " We miss you too. It's weird not seeing you. Seattle Grace misses our McDreamy," She said with a slight laugh. " I can't believe it's been almost three weeks already. It feels so much longer. I wish you could've stayed. For them. For us. For everyone. Goodbye, Derek. Know that we're all thinking of you."

>>

Meredith and George walked hand in hand up to his grave. George took the bouquet and placed it next to Izzie's. Meredith beagn to speak," Hi. " I..uhh. This is weird. I don't know what to say,"

" Maybe you don't have to say anything. Maybe he already knows." George put a hand around her waist.

" It's like I'm an intern again. Confused. Tired. Hurt. I hated being an intern." She started to cry into George.

" Shh. He's knows Mer. He knows." The two stood in silence remembering the past.

>>

"Well, it looks like you've had a lot of company today," Addison said noticing the bouquets," Sorry I got here last. She's not the mistress anymore. I'm sorry I always called her that. I'll stop. I promise." Addison said sitting down in the grass. " I took her to the bench yesterday. I hope you don't mind. I have to go back to work on Thursday. I'm so afraid I'll die there too." Addison broke out in sobs as it started to sprinkle. "Kenny smiled like you yesterday. It stopped my heart. I don't know what we're gunna do with out you, McDreamy. I just don't know," Addison sat there crying in the grass, while the rain poured down on her.

* * *

I know it's very short. I was just feeling a short chapter for this one. Especially with all the crying going on. In the chapter, and in the writer. Heck, I cry everytime I watch Grey's too. It's sad. Anyway, please REVIEW! Even if it's just to say, " I loved it," or " I hated it," or " Boo you for a short chapter." Whatever is fine. Ohh and this is named after an Aerosmith song. I'm an Aerosmith junkie. And a Bon Jovi Junkie. Oh and I love Steph and Jen! 


	5. Happiness is a Thing Called Joe

**Happiness is a Thing Called Joe**

" Are you sure you're ready to come back?" Dr. Murphy, the hospital's new Cheif of Surgery, asked, " Cause you know, Dr. Harris would be happy to stay."

" I'm sure. I'm fine. I just need a moment in OR 1, just to get it off my chest."

" Are you sure?"

" Dr. Murphy, I'm always sure."

>>

" You sure you're okay to be back." Izzie asked while escorting Addison to the OR in which her husband had died on the table.

" I'm sure," Addison said with the roll of her eye, " What is with everyone?"

" We're just concerned," Izzie said while opening the OR doors." I'll be in the gallery if you need me."

" Y-Y-Yeah. I won't be long," Addison said slowly entering the room. She wanted to destroy the room. She so desperately wanted to over turn everything in sight, but she didn't. Addison just kept her cool. A single cheek cut coursely down her cheek. Then, she exited the OR and went on with her day.

>>

" Rina Smyth in for a scheduled C-section," Izzie introduced Addison to her paitent who was in her late twenties.

" Hello, Mrs. Smyth. I'm Dr. Shepherd."

" Oh, please call me Rina."

" Ok, Rina. We have you scheduled for 1. Will your husband be joining you?"

" Yeah, he's on his way,"

" Ok. Dr. Stevens will be back to take you to the pre-op in a hour or so," Addison said while exiting the room. Izzie followed behind her.

" Uh.. The only available OR was OR 1." Izzie said quickly.

" That's fine."

" You sure?"

" That's fine, Dr. Stevens," Addison persitted.

>>

Congratulations," Addison said to Rina, who had a healthy baby boy, as she was wheeled of into the maternity ward. Addison then turned on her heels, and ran towards the bathroom. She walked into the first stall she saw and vomitted twice._ Oh, God. It's like being an intern again. Being an intern sucked. _

" Are you okay?" Meredith had been washing her hands.

" I'm fine, Dr. Grey," Addison left the room.

>>

George had just finished a long day. He had performed a grueling 3 hour surgery and all he needed was a beer.

" Hey, Joe," George said.

" Hey. The usual?"

" Yup,"

" GEORGIE!" Addison screamed in his ear. " Joe, look it's Georgie and he's spinning,"

" What did you give her?" George asked rubbing his ear.

" It was like 5 shots. The woman cannot hold her liquor,"

" We knew this about her. Why did you give her it?"

" Joe, give us a round, would ya?" Addison had a nig drunken smile planted across her face.

" I think you've had enough," Joe said.

" Aww, Joe you're no fun. I'm going to the next bar," Addison said rumaging her purse for her keys.

George reached over and grabbed them before she could, " No, no, no. There is no way are you driving."

" Georgie, you're such a party pooper."

" Yeah, well. If it stops you from killing yourself."

" I'm going to call her a cab," Joe said reaching for the phone.

" No, no. I got her." He said dragging Addison out of the bar.

" Georgie, where are we going?" She whispered in his ear with a giggle.

" We're going home,"

* * *

Haha. I got Addi drunk. I got Addi drunk. I'm very very bad. Do you think I did drunk Addi very well? Since I've never actually been drunk it was a little hard, but I hope I managed. PLEASE REVIEW. It'll make me feel so especially loved. 


	6. Swing Swing

I love Steph, and Jen. Oh and what's with Derek and his whole going back and forth between Mer and Add. It's not nice and it needs to stop. The guy has to pick. Seriously, no McDreamy elevator moments pick. Do you think he'll everpick?Sorry that bothers me. On with the story.

* * *

**Swing, Swing**

I watched as Dr. Simmons try to clip the aneurysm in Derek's brain. The sound of the flatline was ringing in my ears. A sound I had heard so many times. I prayed to God I wouldn't hear that sound. And God let me down. The constant ringing of the flatline was getting louder and louder and louder.

Addison gasped as she woke up with a pounding headache. Her eyes searched her surroundings frantically looking for something that could help her intendify where she was.

" Morning sunshine,"

Addison gently titled her head, trying not to make her headache worse, " What happened?" She asked Meredith who walked over to her with a cup of coffee.

" George picked you up in Joe's. You really have to stop interupting my realtionships Addi." She said jokingly.

" Oh, my God. Kennedy." Addi threw herself off the couch searching for her purse so she could go home.

" Calm down. George called Josie last night and she took Kennedy to day care."

" Uhh, I can't believe how selfish I am. I'm an awful mother," Addison said while slumping back into the couch. Her eyes wandered towards the clock on the cable box, "And I have to go to work now."

" Addison, take a breathe. First of all, you're not a terrible mother. You had one slip up. You're allowed to slip up once, especially after what's happened. And secondly, I called Murphy. You're not going to work until next Sunday."

" Ok. Thank you," Addison said unconsciencly fiddling with her wedding ring.

" You haven't taken it off,"

" Ummh. Oh this," Addison said realizing what she was doing, " No. I feel naked without it." After a moment of awkward silence," When are you getting one?"

" Oh, me? Not soon. I don't think I'll ever get married." Addison scoffed. " What?"

" Seriously? You think you'll never get married."

" Well, I haven't planned my life around it."

" Have you atleast thought about it?"

" Well, when I was like 5, yeah. But not recently."

Addison raised a perfectly arched eyebrow, " Really?"

" Ok. A little." Meredith admitted with a smile.

" That's my girl." Addison smiled before rubbing her temples again.

" Can I get you anything?"

" Just some aspirin would be fine,"

" Ok," Meredith walked into the kitchen when the phone rang.

" Hello?" She answered.

" Hey, babe. It's me,"

" Oh, hey George."

" I was just checking in to make sure you two haven't pulled each others hair out,"

" Ha ha," Meredith said sarcastically.

" Does she know she puked in my car? Cause that wasn't very lady like of her,"

" No, she doesn't. And I'm not telling her because she doesn't need one more thing to feel bad about,"

" Who doesn't need one more thing to feel bad about?" Addison said, already knowing the answer to her question.

" Uh..Cristina. We have a new standstill patient coming in and I didn't want to tell her cause I know she's already miffed about not seeing us."

" Oh," Addison said, not believing a word.

>>

" Yeah. Uh..George, I'll uh see you later." Mer said hanging up quickly. Addison gave her a pointed look and she just smiled.

" She barfed in my car," George said coming next to Izzie by the nurse's station.

" Who barfed in your car? Mer?"

" No, Addison."

" Why was Addison barfing in your car?" She asked unfased.

" She was in Joe's drunk, and I--,"

" You picked up Addison in Joe's?" Izzie asked preparing to slap him.

" NO! God, no. I took her back to our place because she was getting ready to bar hop her way through Seattle. You seriously thought I picked Addison up?"

"No," she smiled, walking backwards away from him, " It's just fun to see you freak out like that."

>>

Later that afternoon, Kennedy was sitting in Addison's lap on the swings in the park.

" I wanted to say sorry for not coming home last night,"

" It's ok. Where were you?"

" I was...uh..in a surgery." Addison always hated lying to Kennedy.

"Oh, was it fun?"

" No, not really. I would have much rather been with you," Addison said tickling her daughter.

" Mommy, stop it," Kennedy said through laughs.

" Ok,"

" Mommy, I miss Daddy. I want Daddy back."

" I know, K. But Daddy can't come back. You know that."

" Yeah, I guess,"

" Just remember Daddy's always with you. Everywhere," Addison said brushing a lock of her daughter's hair out of her face.

" Everywhere?"

" Everywhere,"

" Ok," Kennedy said giving her mother a smile.

" So, if memory serves me correct someone has a birthday coming up,"

" ME!"

" That's right. Anything you want and/or must have?"

" A kitty!" Kennedy exclaimed clapping her hands.

" A kitty?" Addison remembered back to having Doc. He was always good company, especially when Derek was busy flirting with Meredith_. She's not that person anymore_, Addison quickly reminded herself Maybe, Kennedy should get a cat. Maybe. " I'll think about it."

* * *

I just want to clairfy, Addison is not pregnant. I repeat Addison IS NOT pregnant. The barfing thing was just her getting overwhelmed. It was exactly what Meredith did in the series premiere, hence the intern bit.Oh, and have I mentioned I'm a music junkie. It's really unhealthy. The song is by the All-American Rejects. Awesome, Awesome band. Anyway, what did everyone think? I have lots planned in the next two chapters, so watch for some updates. REVIEW PLEASE. And seriously, I try to review every chapter of every story I read, why can't you do the same? In the immortal words of George: " Nancy Reagan lied. You can't just say no." 


	7. I Can't See New York

**I Can't See New York **

" Yeah Sav, I'm sure. Uh-huh. Sav, the kid sleeps through everything. Yeah, I know. Hey! She's my daughter. Ok. See yours is worse than mine. Ha. Ok. Yeah. Love you, too Savvy. Send Wiess and Brook my love. Alright. Bye," Addison said getting off the phone with one of her closest friends. She had just made plans to spend the next few days in New York. _God, it's been so long. _Addison thought to herself. New York had been the place where everything good had happened. Well _almost _everything...

Right?

Then, one name graced her thoughts. A name she hadn't uttered in years. _Madeline._

>>

" So how have you been?" Addison asked Richard as the pair drank coffee in a tiny coffee shop in Seattle.

" I'm the one that should be asking you that.."

" I'm fine."

" Fine?" Richard asked with a raised eyebrow.

" Yeah. I'm taking Kennedy to New York City."

" You're going to New York?"

" Yeah. I just need to get out of here for a while. Remember the good, ya know?" She said taking a sip.

" Yeah. I know." Richard grabbed Addison free hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.

" I think I might take her to see Madeline," Addison said taking her hand back.

" Really?"

" Yeah I mean, Kennedy has a right to know."

" You really want to her to have another death to deal with?"

" No. But I want her to know the truth. I don't want her to find out from my mother or something ten years down the road."

" Maybe it should wait." He said.

" Maybe." Addison was beginning to resent the fact that she had ever thought about this.

>>

That evening, Addison and Kennedy had returned to the swing set in the park.

" Mommy, why are we going to New Ork?"

" Cause Mommy and Daddy used to live there and I have somethings I want to show you and some people I want you to meet," Addison's smile quickly vanished as one word popped into her head.

_Madeline._

_>>_

The next morning Izzie had driven the Shepherd girls to the airport.

" Thanks again." Addison said giving Izzie a kiss as they reached the boarding area." I know you're really busy and all."

" Everyone should have someone to wave goodbye to them at an airport." She stated simply with her signature smile.

" Yeah, I guess."

" Bye, Bye Izzie." Kennedy waved with her free hand. The other one was currently holding Dr. Fuzz, Kennedy's surgeon of a teddy bear.

" Bye. You gunna be good for your mommy?" K nodded. " That's what I thought."

" Ok, you two have fun!" Izzie said while Addison and Kennedy walked towards boarding strip.

" We will! Thanks Iz!" Addison and Kennedy both waved goodbye.

>>

_There could've been two. _Addison though watching Kennedy sleep while being 30,000 feet up in the air. After six hours of contemplation, Addison had finally figured out exactly how do tell Kennedy.

_Hello passengers of Flight 227. We will be landing shortly. Please fasten your seatbelts._

" Hey, K. Wake up. We're here."

>>

Addison carried a sleepy Kennedy off the plane. Sav and Weiss were standing there with huge smiles.

"Addi!" Sav gave Addison a kiss on the cheek.

" I'd hug you except for someone's a little sleepy," Addison said bouncing Kennedy slightly.

" Yeah. Who ya go there?" Sav said, noticing Dr. Fuzz. Kennedy just snuggled closer to her mother.

" Hey, Weiss," Addi said with a smile.

" Hey, Addi," He said, very reserved. Addison could tell he felt awkward with Derek's death. " You ok?" He asked sincerely.

" Yeah I'm fine." Addi smiled. " Come on, guys. Let's go tackle baggage claim."

>>

" Mommy, it's smells funny." Those were Kennedy's first words as she stepped outside of JFK. Sav and Addi instantly broke into a hysterical laughter.

" No," Addison said smiling, " It smells like New York,"

* * *

_I love the way New York City smells. I love, love, love it. That's what I get being a Jersey girl who can hop a train to NYC whenever. The song is by Tori Amos, who I love.I also love STEPH AND JEN! Wooohoo!Anyway, I know this wasn't the juicy chapter you hoped for, but I decided to add an extra chapter to this so everything's a little outta wack.But I promise the next chapters will be good. I promise.What did you think? _

_REVIEW! PLEASE! REVIEW! REVIEW REVIEW! REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! _


	8. When I Get Home

I want you all to know that this is the fastest I've ever updated a story ever. Seriously. That's how much I love Grey's. I'm obsessed.

Anyway on with the story...**

* * *

**

When I Get Home

" What do you guys plan to do?" Weiss asked in the cab back to their place.

" Uh..I was going to do obviously Central Park, the old apartment, Bryant Park, and I have to go see my mother." Addison said leaving out her most important spot.

" She doesn't know you're here, does she?" Sav asked curiously.

" I wanted to surprise her."

" You better see her first."

" Yeah, I know Sav."

>>

" Mommy, are you ok?" Kennedy asked as she watched her mother stare at the door of her grandparent's apartment.

" Yeah. Why don't you ring the bell?" Addison lifted Kennedy up and she pressed the doorbell with a giggle. A loud barking noise was heard.

" Mitch, can you get that?" Addison heard her mother scream from inside.

" The game's on!"

" Mitchel, get the door!" Patricia persisted.

" Alright, Mrs. Montgomery. Oh..shut up, hound," Addison laughed.The door swung open and there stood Mitchell Montgomery and a pesky little King Charles Spainel named Charlie.

" Hi, Daddy," Addison said giving her father a kiss while walking into her childhood home.

" Hi, Grandpa," Kennedy waved, followed her mother inside, and got down on the floor to play with the dog.

" Mrs. Montgomery, you're going to regret not answering the door," Mitch said.

" And why is that?" She asked coming towards the door, " Well, I'll be.."

" Hi, Mom."

" Hi, Grandma." Kennedy said while being licked by Charlie.

" Hi. That's it? Charlie leave her alone." Mrs. Montgomery repremanded.

" He's fine, Mom."

" What brings you to the city?" Mitchel asked.

" Oh nothing important," Addi said with a smile.

" Why didn't you call?" Her mother asked.

" It called a surprise, mother."

" Ha. Ha."

" I thought it was funny." Mitch said.

" Oh, hush,"

" Can we move this bit of banter into the kitchen?" Addi asked while making her way further into the house. As she took in her surroundings, she smiled at the memory of home.

" Remember the time.." Mitch began.

" Daddy please."

" Ok. Fine."

" Mommy, you used to live here?"

" Uh-huh," Addi nodded while taking a seat a bar stool.

" Wow," Kennedy said climbing up on the chair next to her mother.

" Can I get you girls something?" Patricia asked.

" I'm fine thanks. Ken?"

" Apple Juice, please."

" I think we can do that." Patricia said reaching for one of the sippy cups in the cuboard.

" So, how's Seattle?" Mitch began, not wanting to touch on the subject of Derek.

" Rainy." Her father laughed.

" You ok?"

" Yeah, Daddy. We're ok. Right, Kennedy?" The little girl nodded as a cup of juice was placed in front of her.

" Kennedy, why don't you go upstairs in the playroom?" Patricia suggested. Addi gave her a look.

" Ok, Grandma." Kennedy took her juicy cup and walked away.

" I'm fine, you guys." Addison insisted.

" Are you sure?" Patricia pushed.

" Yes. I'm sure."

" Really, Addison?"

" God, Mom. Yes!"

" Ok,"

" Thank you,"

" How long are you in town for?" Patricia asked while wiping the counter in front of Addison.

" Just till Tuesday. Kennedy's birthday is Friday and I go back to work on Sunday."

" Were are you staying?"

" With Sav and Weiss."

" No, you should stay with us!" Mitch suggested." I insist."

" No, thanks Daddy."

" You really should stay here," Patricia interjected.

" I'm staying with Sav and Weiss."

Knowing how stubborn his daughter was, Mitch gave up and changed the subject, " So what sites are you going to see?"

>>

" Are you ready to see New York?" Addison asked her daughter while walking out of her parents apartment building.

" Yeah."

" Ok, but the rule is you DO NOT walk away from Mommy. People in this town aren't nice."

" Ok,"

" Ok." Addison said hailing a cab with ease. _I've missed that._" Bryant Park." She said to the cab driver.

" Bryan Park?" Kennedy asked.

" It's where daddy proposed." Addi smiled.

"Oh,"

" Yeah." They pair spend the rest of the ride in silence. Before long, they'd reached their desination.

" Ok. Hold my hand." Addison said to Kennedy at the entrance of the park. They walked a little further before Addison spoke again," Ok. It's this one." Addison said pointing to a bright pink horse on a carousel.

" Daddy porposed to you on a horsey?"

" Yup. You want to ride it?" Addison said. Kennedy nodded and was hoisted onto the horse.

" What was it like?"

Addison smiled," Well, it was late at night, and this was on and the lights looked so pretty. He told me to pick a pony and I got on this one and he let it spin around a few times before it stopped. Then, he got on one knee, and I started to cry. He said, 'Addi, from the moment we met, I knew that one day we'd end up here. You are my everything. My life's accomplishments would mean nothing to me if I didn't have you to share them with. Every breath wouldn't be worth it if you weren't by my side, which is why I stand here before you, asking you to marry me. And then I cried some more and said yes,"Addison said, leaving out the passionate kiss which lead to the passionate sex.

" That's pretty."

" I thought so too." She said smiling.

>>

" I have one last thing to show you," Addison said hailing yet another cab.

" Mommy, my feet hurt."

" Yeah I know, hun. But it's just one more thing. I promise. Then, we can go home and go to sleep."

"Ok, Mommy." The reached a small cemetary and purchased a dozen lillies before Addison pushed open the gate.

" Where are we Mommy?" Kennedy asked, scared and confused.

" It's ok. Come on." Addison reassured. Kennedy slowly entered, staying by Addison's side. They walked about a few feet before reaching a small headstone, Addison kneeled down touched it. It read..

_Madeline Leigh Shepherd._

_June 14,2004- October 15, 2004_

_God Bless Our Baby Girl_

_We Barely Knew You_

" This is your sister,"

" My sister?"

" Yes. Before you were born, when Mommy and Daddy still lived in New York, I had a baby. Her name was Madeline. She died. She's now with Daddy in heaven." Addison said holding back the tears.

" She's in heaven, too."

" Yes." Addison watched as her daughter tried to understand what had happened. " You can ask me anything. You know that right?"

" Uh-huh."

" Ok. You know I love you, right."

" Yes, Mommy. I love you, too." Kennedy said hugging her mother.

Addison nearly broke into sobs," I love you so much."

* * *

I love this chapter. I love all chapters really. But this one I really loved.And it's named after a Beatles song. Next up. Kennedy turns 4! Woohoo! Lol. Mucho thanks and loveto Jen and Steph. You guys are seriously the best writers, and friends a Grey's obsessed girl could have. Thanks so much for all of your reviews. I really appreciate knowing that you guys enjoy reading it as much as I do writing it. And yes, that was my ploy to get ya'll to review. Lol. so, REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW! 


	9. Daughters

I cried Sunday night. I was hysterical Sunday night. I was rocking back and forth saying "She's gunna die" Sunday night. I didn't go to bed till 1Sunday night. I had to like coax myself to bed Sunday night. It was so f-ing awesome...

* * *

**Daughters**

" Mommy, wake up it's my birftday!"

" Ugh," Addison rolled over to the other side of the bed.

" Mommy!"

" Ok," She sat up and gave her daughter a hug. " Happy birthday."

" Thank you. Where's my present?"

" We have to go get it."

" Thanks for keeping this here." Addison said to Meredith.

" Oh, it was no problem. She was a fun addition."

" Ok. Thanks again."

" I'll see you later,"

" Yup,"

" Bye." Addison walked back to the car.

" Mommy, what's that." Kennedy asked pointing to the box in her mother's hand. Addison opened the box, " OH, MY GOODNESS."

>>

" Thank you, Mommy. Thank you. Thank you." Kennedy said bringing a tiny Calico kitten into the house.

" You're welcome." Addison said carrying the litter box, food dishes and other acessories.

" You're my favorite Mommy."

" I'm your only Mommy," She said with a smile.

" But you're still my favorite Mommy."

" What are you going to name her?" Addison asked.

" Twizzler." Kennedy said simply. It stopped Addison's heart.

>>

" Happy Birthday, Dear Kennedy. Happy Birthday to you," A group of Kennedy's school friends, Addison, Meredith, George, Izzie, and Eric sang happily.

" Make a wish." Addison said placing the cake in front of her daughter.

_I wish that Daddy would come back._

_>>_

" Twizzler, come here." Kennedy said, chasing her new pet through the house after her friends had left.

" Twizzler?" Izzie said while helping Addison throw out the Dora the Explorer table cloth.

" Derek's nickname for her. Whenever he picked her up from school, they would go to the gas station and share a bag of Twizzlers. He said that she ate so many that she was going to turn into a Twizzler." Addison said with a small smile.

" Oh."

" Yeah."

" Eric! Have you seen my kitty?" Kennedy said smiling, as if everything was right with the world. Addison secretly wished she could have her childish innocence back.

>>

" Did you have a good birthday?" Addison asked getting into bed with her daughter and her daughter's birthday present.

" Yeah, Mommy." Kennedy said with a slight smile.

" You don't sound very excited." Addison stroked her daughter's hair.

" Daddy wasn't here."

" Oh, K." Addison wrapped her arms around her daughter while silently cursing Derek. _Why did you do this to her? Can't you see it? She needs you. I need you. We need you. Derek, why did you do this? We weren't ready for this. _Twizzler came up between the pair and started meowing in Kennedy's face.

" Stop, Twiz. That tickles." The cat obyed and curled up in the small space between Addison and Kennedy.

" Oh, it looks like someone wants us to go to sleep." Addison said leaning behind her to turn of the light.

" Good night Mommy."

" Happy Birthday, Kennedy," _Why Derek? Why?

* * *

_

Happy Birthday Kennedy. I LOVE STEPH AND JEN! Seriously, these guys rock my world! What do you think will happen next week? Sid ya'll see the promo! Addi scared me. I feel so awful for her... I don't know how we're supposed to wait another 5 days? How?

REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW...please?


	10. One Giant Game of Telephone

Ok. I'm trying to reach a greater audiance here, so this chapter is a Mer centered. Don't my Addi friend leave me know, trust me, you want to read this chapter. And I'm sorry I messed with the song theme. And 3 days left guys. 3.

* * *

**One Giant Game of Telephone**

Addison stood outside of Seattle Grace Hospital early Sunday morning.

" Crappy day," Meredith said coming up behind her.

" Ahh maybe,"

" No, it's going to be a crappy day. I can feel it,"

With a knowing smile, Addison replied, " If you say so, Dr. Grey."

>>

" Ugh," Meredith said, throwing papers into files at the nurses station

" Something wrong, Dr. Grey?" Eric said, cup of coffee in hand.

" Dr. Newport." She said slightly starled," As a matter of fact, yes, these interns and their inability to file paperwork correctly. Ugh. I knew it,"

" Knew what?"

" That today would be a crappy day."

" Huh." Eric said with a smile toying on her face. " Oh, before I forget, Izzie was looking for you,"

" Umm..Ok,"

>>

" Hey, Iz." Meredith said seeing Izzie by the OR board.

" Oh, hey."

" Oh, Eric said you were looking for me,"

" Uhh, no. Addison's looking for you," Meredith stared, confused.

" Izzie, I just saw Addison."

" Yeah, well. I think she needs a babysitter or something."

" Oh, really?"' Meredith said with an eagerness to help.

" Yeah."

" Ok, well. Good luck," Meredith said, gesturing towards the board.

" Oh, yeah. You too." _Oh, crap. Way to ruin it, Stevens._

" Huh?"

" I mean with finding Addison."

" Ok," Meredith said walking away confused.

" That was very close," Izzie whispered," Too close."

>>

Meredith's day wasn't getting any better. One of her patients was getting severly worse, and she was running around like crazy trying to find Addison. Finally, she had found her in the NICU, rocking a new born in the rocking chair.

" You, Miss. Montgomery-Shepherd, are one of the hardest women to find,"

" It's a gift really."

Meredith chuckled, " Izzie said you were looking for me. Something about a babysitter."

" No, I told her George was looking for you. He was wondering if you planned on cooking dinner,"

" Oh. Gosh, this is getting to be onegiant game of telephone." Meredith said, agravated. Addison had a huge smile planted on her face, " Do you know where I can find him?"

" Uh...the last time I saw him, he was just getting out of surgery. OR 2, I believe."

" Oh. Ok, thank you." Meredith turned with a smile.

Addison watched her walk away, still rocking the newborn to her chest. _She's never going to forget today._

_>>_

_Bill, I love you so, I always will  
I look at you and see the passion eyes of May  
Oh, but am I ever gonna see my wedding day  
I was on your side Bill when you were loosin'  
I never scheme or lie Bill, there's been no foolin'  
But kisses and love won't carry me till you marry me Bill_

"What?" Meredith asked herself hearing music coming from OR 2.

>>

" Hey, Addi. Finally." Eric whispered quietly as Addison came into the gallery.

" Did I miss anything?"

" No, thankfully." Izzie said smiling. " This is so exciting,"

Addison smiled at Eric, who had a panicked look on his face, " It will be a while before that's you. Take a breathe." She whispered quietly.

>>

_I love you so, I always will  
And though devotion rules my heart I take no bows  
But Bill you're never gonna take those wedding vows  
Oh, come on Bill  
Oh, come on Bill  
Come on and marry me Bill  
I got the wedding bell blues  
Please marry me Bill  
I got the wedding bell blues  
Marry me Bill_

" Hello, anyone in here?" Meredith said quietly opening the OR doors. " Hello," Meredith flicked on the light. The OR was covered in dozens and dozens of orange Echantment Lilies, her favorite. "George." Meredith said breathless. George was standing in the middle of the OR, with a tux on._  
_

'' OK, I know you're probably freaking out right now. But let's multiply that by about 100 and you've got me. And for the record, I know my name's not Bill and your names not Bill and you haven't been complaining about wedding bells, vows, and whatever else she was talking about. But that's really not the point, the point is Mer, when I'm aroud you I can't think straight, now being a prime example, and my heart does this weird fluttery thing were I think I might puke, but I never do."

Meredith laughed a bit, but stopped when George gave her that look. He cleared his throat before starting again, " When I'm with you the whole world floats away. Everything is so beautiful and pure and it's just me and you. And I'd rather have millions of awkward moments of heart fluttery pukeness, if it meant I got to spend them with you. And I can't live without you Mer. And after what's happened with Addi and Derek," George briefly paused to look at the supposedly empty gallery," I realized that we don't have much time, even when we think we do. So, will you marry me?"

* * *

Cliffhanger! What did everyone think? Was it completely obvious? Please, tell me. Please. Thanks so much to Jen, Steph, and Mel. Mel gets an special thanks for her editing remarks! Without these guys, I don't think much would get done on any chapter. lol. ANd now you know why I had to mess with the song theme. 

REVIEW! REVIEW REVIEW! REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!


	11. When You Say Nothing At All

I don't know if I ever made this clear or not, but the italics are thoughts. If you haven't noticed that within the past 10 chapters. **

* * *

**

**When You Say Nothing At All**

" I--I--uhhh- I-" Meredith said trying to catch her breathe, " This is really amazing,"

" You're avoiding the question." George remarked quickly. _She's going to say no. All of this is for her, and she's going to say no._

Meredith, as if to read his thoughts, said, " It's not that I'm saying no."

" Well you aren't saying yes either."

" Stop interupting," She paused a moment for a deep breathe, " It's not that I'm saying no, I just need to think about it a little. I mean, this is great. Truly. I couldn't have asked for any thing more special."

" Thanks," George said head hanging low.

" You're welcome. But I swear, it has nothing to do with you. You are perfect." Meredith walked up to George and pecked him on the cheek while grabbing the bottle of wine that was on the table behind him. Walking slowly, she exited the room backwards.

>>

In the gallery, Izzie, Addison, and Eric were speechless.

" Did she..?" Izzie asked.

" Yeah. I think she did," Eric replied, just as flabergasted.

" She can't just do that to George,"

" Well he did surprise her,"

" That's not an excuse!"

" Well I mean she could've..,"

" Said yes." Izzie interrupted.

" That's not what I was going to say,"

" That's what you should've said,"

" I can't believe she took the wine," The pair were so busy in there own conversation that they didn't notice Addison quietly slip off.

>>

Addison knew exactly were Mer had gone. She opened the door to the roof and felt the spring Seattle air hit her face. Sure enough, there was Meredith leaning over the railing with the wine bottle in her hands.

"Hey," Addison said quietly, while standing next to Mer.

" Hey," Meredith said taking a swig. " Want some?"

Addison took the bottle from Mer's outstreched hand. " So."

" So. Do you think that that was stupid?"

Addison looked over the bottle before answering her question, " I think that...you did what you thought was best. Would it have been what I would've done. Not nessicarily."

" Oh," Meredith tried to take her beer back.

" Uh..I think I'll keep this. Is there any reason you said what you said?" Addison said not wanting to pry.

" I think fear mostly. I'm so afraid."

" Afraid? Of what?"

" A lot of things I guess. I think I'm afraid that he'll just wake up one morning and just stop loving me."

" George loves you. In a way that doesn't just die." Addison said taking a gulp of wine.

" Is that what you said about you and Derek?"

" What?" _Did she just...? _

" Is that what you said about you and Derek when you came back? When he was still playing with us? Is that what you said?"

" You know what I did." _Is she allowed to ask that?_ After thinking it over for a moment, Addison spoke again," Meredith, you can't let fear rule you like this. Yes, there will be bad days. Days where you'll just want to give up. But there are so many more good days than you could imagine." Addi held back the tears. " Marriage may be scary, but so is skydiving, but that doesn't stop people from taking the jump." With that Addison turned and to walk back to the hospital.

" Addi?" Meredith looked over her shoulder.

" Um-hum?"

" Leave the wine."

Addison smiled sweetly, saying," No, Grey."

>>

_What kind of woman doesn't leave the wine? That was just unkind._ Addison's words played over and over in Meredith's head. _It doesn't stop people from taking the jump. Do I want to take the jump? No. Maybe. I never was one for skydiving. That was a very good metaphor though. I must say that._ She laughed at her own thoughts. _George, and me. Me and George. Mrs. Meredith O'Malley. Dr. Meredith O'Malley. God, what am I? 12? Me. Married._ Meredith started to stare at her left index finger. _Maybe. But what if I do something? What if it all goes wrong? What if? What if I stop with the 'what ifs'?_

_>>_

" Hey, George." Eric said, sitting next to him in the cafeteria. " How are you?"

" Numb. I feel nothing."

" Man, she'll come around."

" What if she doesn't?"

* * *

For the record, I know you guys are probably all mad at me for doing this, but honestly I hate being mean to poor Georgie. It's sucks. I love Jen and Steph. Steph, I used the conversation. Jen. Jen, thanks for letting me in like that. Song by Allison Krauss. I thought I'd throught a little country into the mix. HAPPY GREY DAY! lol. I can't believe it's finally Sunday.

REVIEW! REVIEW REIVEW! REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!


	12. She's Got the Answer

Air Supply song. Lol. I love Steph and Jen. And Derek's an asshole.

* * *

**She's Got The Answer**

Addison Shepherd awoke to her phone at 11:34 that night.

" Hello?" She asked groggily. _I'm not popular enough to have people call me this late._

" Hey, it's me. Can you open the door?" A slightly fimilar voice said.

" Me? You're going to have to be a little less vague."

" It's Meredith."

" What are you doing calling me at 11:35?"

" I can't go home. Please just come and open the back door."

"Ok," Angrily, Addison tossed off her sheets, and got downstairs by the back door. Addison opened it and Meredith came inside.

" Did I wake you?"

" No." Addison lied. " Come on. I'll go find a blanket for the couch."

" Are you sure?"

" Yes. I'm sure." Addison said opening a hall closet and pulling out a blanket.

" Thanks." Meredith said sheepily.

" Um-hum." Addison replied. " Stay quiet and don't wake up my kid,"

" You got it,"

" Ok," Addison said turning to go back upstairs to her warm comfy bed. _My warm comfy epmty bed. _

_>>_

" Rise and shine." Addison held a cup of coffee infront of Meredith's face in attempt to wake her up.

" How are you so happy at this hour?" Meredith said opening her eyes.

" It's only 4:40."

Meredith sat up and took the cup from Addison's hand, " What time did you get up?"

" 20 minutes ago."

" What?" Meredith rubbed her eyes.

" Yes," Addison smiled, " Come on, get up. Do you have clothes?"

" Uh. Yeah. I think. In the back of the car, maybe."

" Ok. Let's get ready to leave,"

>>

" So, how much longer do you think that this weird limbo between you and George will continue?" Izzie asked Meredith later that day at lunch.

" There is not a weird limbo between me and George. That was me and McDreamy," Izzie looked at her taken aback.

" That's the first time I've heard you talk about him since..well you know."

" Really?" Meredith twirled her salad around with her fork.

" Yeah."

" Has it really been that long?"

" I guess." Izzie started to bite her apple. " But back to you and George."

" Nothing is going on. There is no weird limbo,"

" Does this mean you answered him?" _Please tell me that she answered him._

" No,"

" Will you answer him?"

" Yes...Eventually,"

" Eventually? Is there some kind of time span on that eventually. Tomorrow? Next week? Next month?" _GRR. Why does she have to be so...Meredith like?_

" Right now, no."

" No to what? His question or your eventually time span?"

" My eventually time span. Must we call it that?"

" Yes, we must." Izzie laughed.

>>

" Answers to important questions are always nice." Eric said

" Well wasn't that subtle?" Meredith asked.

" Well I try," Meredith let out a chuckle. "Seriously though, he's a mess.'

" I know," Meredith held her head low._ Why does everyone have to keep rubbing this in? I already feel like crap._

" See, I don't think you do know. George allowed himself to be more vunerable than ever. And you know how George is, while you take pause, he's just keeps freaking out. All of us need you to make a decision, because this isn't fair to George. And how can anyone be unfair to George? He's George O'Malley! The giant marshmellow of Seattle Grace. You can't be mean to a marshmellow!" Eric said, walking back towards the peds floor.

>>

Meredith tapped her head aganist the lockers in the resident's locker room. _Why can't I just make a decision? Why? It shouldn't be this hard! Everyone who is always ranting about how this is the easiest decision of their life should really come and see me. Why? _She slammed harder.

" Stop. You're going to cause an intercerebal bleed, and I wouldn't trust Sherwood with your brain." George laughed.

" Really?"

" Nope. The only person I would trust with your brain is Shepherd,"

" Me too." Meredith said while George sat down next to her.

" You want to talk about how you were just banging your head against the lockers?"

" I was just thinking about the morons of the world."

" Since when did Bailey rub off on you?" George said with a smile.

" Ha. Ha. You're hysterical,"

" Well, if you think so." An awkward silence graced the room," You didn't come home last night,"

" I left you a message,"

" Yes, you did. Are you just going to keep ignoring me now?"

" I'm not ignoring you," Mer protested.

" You didn't return any of my messages and you shacked out at Montgomery-Shepherd's last night, sure sounds like you're ignoring me."

" Well, I'm not," Meredith said.

" OK," George said, not believing a word. " Do you plan on sleeping at home tonight?"

" I don't know,"

" Do you plan on answering my question?" _Please say yes. Please say yes._

_Do I plan on answering his question?_ " Yes, I do,"

" Ok," George said trying not to jump out of his skin. " And do you plan on sharing your answer with me anytime soon?"

" Yes, I do,"

" Does that mean now?"

" Yes, It does." Meredith watched as George flaunted a huge smile and she laughed a little.

" Are you laughing at me?"

" No. Not at all,"

" Ok. Good," George said folding his arms and resting his head against the locker. Meredith did the same.

" Yes."

" Yes?" George said smiling.

" Yes," She nodded. And George grabbed her in and took her into a long, passionate kiss. _To my happily ever after.

* * *

_

To Mer and George's happily ever after.

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	13. Mom

Hey, sorry this took so long. Well.. It's been a long time for me.

Here's 13…

* * *

**Mom**

" I'M GETTING MARRIED!" George said, skipping happily down the halls. Meredith followed at a distance, laughing hysterically. She watched as he stopped a random doctor, and said, " I'm getting married!" She continued to laugh and George turned and looked at her, " What?"

"Nothing," She simply smiled and looked down at her beautiful, three-diamond engagement ring.

>>

" I'm getting married," George's voice boomed through the intercom. " Yes. I, George Bradford O'Malley, am wedding thee Meredith Grey...Come on Mer. Say something...,"

"WHAT?" Addison, Izzie, and Eric all screamed from different locations.

>>

" I can't believe it! You guys!" Izzie said, enthusiastically catching George and Meredith on their way out of the hospital.

" I'm so happy for you guys!" Addison said trying her best to hide the slight crack in her voice. _A wedding without Derek. A wedding without Derek?_

" George, Congratulations man," Eric said, shaking his hand. _Izzie doesn't want to get married, does she?_

" We should all go to Joe's...In celebration," Izzie suggested.

" Uh..," Meredith looked at George suggestively." We were actually going to just go home and hang out. Tomorrow though."

Catching on, Izzie agreed, " Definitely tomorrow." She winked at the pair. George turned red. Eric started to laugh. Izzie playfully punched him in the arm, " Be nice. Or I'll be extremely tired tonight." Addison and Meredith laughed as Eric quickly shut his mouth.

" That was cold man," George replied.

" So, definitely tomorrow. We'll catch you two love birds tomorrow!' Eric ushered the pair out the door quickly.

>>

" Mommy!" Kennedy practically jumped on Addison as she entered the house.

" Hey, babe," Addison gave her daughter a hug," What are you doing up so late?"

" She refused, refused to go to bed unless you were here," Josie, Kennedy's 24-year-old babysitter, explained while coming to greet Addison at the door.

" Oh..Sorry, Joss."

" It's no problem," Josie smiled making her way out of the house. " See you tomorrow."

" Bye, Josie," Kennedy waved.

" So, I have some news for you," Addison said walking towards the kitchen.

" Really?"

" Uh-huh. Meredith and George are getting married," Addison said with a smile.

" Really? Mommy, what's getting married?"

" Getting married is when two people promise to love one another for ever. And there's cake."

" Did you and Daddy get married?" Kennedy asked curiously.

" Yeah. You want to see?"

>>

" And that's Grandpa, and me dancing," Addison said narrating through her wedding album.

" Who's that?" Kennedy pointed to a scruffy man, who was standing next to Derek at the reception.

" Uh..That's Mark. He was one of Daddy's friends from college." _And the man who I had an affair with. _

" Oh," Kennedy said quietly.

Addison flipped through a couple of pages, " Let's see here. That was Daddy shoving cake in my cake. I didn't think it was as funny as he did." Kennedy laughed at the picture of her mother looking disgusted by the cake in her face. Addison flipped the page to reveal a shot of Derek covered in vanilla icing. Kennedy laughed even harder, " Now, that, I found funny."

>>

" Are you sure you want to come in? I mean she probably doesn't know who you are."

" I am coming with you, Meredith." George said sternly.

" Ok," Meredith pulled the door and walked into the home. " She's usually in the foyer by now. There." Meredith pointed to the back corner and walked towards the figure. George followed closely.

" Hi, Mom." Ellis looked at Mer strangely.

" Do I know you?" Meredith's face dropped at the response she had heard far too many times.

" Yeah. Mom, it's Meredith."

George watched as Ellis tried to process this, " Meredith."

" Mom?" George snaked his arm around Meredith's shoulder.

" Meredith. It's a beautiful name." Ellis knew she was supposed to know who this was, but it was too far gone from her mind.

" Yes. Yes, it is." George said, planting a kiss in Meredith's hair. " I love you." He whispered, loud enough for her to hear.

" M-Mom. I-I'm g-g-getting..," Meredith glared at her engagement ring for a moment, " I'm getting married. To George." Meredith took George's opposite hand in hers. " I wanted you to know."

" Do I know you?" Ellis asked again. " Have I met you before?" Meredith's eyes began to swell.

" I'm sorry. I can't, " She said running out the door. George watched her briefly before turning to Ellis.

" She really misses you. Goodbye, Ellis."

* * *

Awww… I love this chapter, even though it took forever to plan out. Song by Earth, Wind and Fire. 

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	14. Save Tonight

My poor Addi this week. I mean, way to be an ass Derek. Telling your wife that she's an obligation. Kind, don't ya think? GRRR I hate him. He's now officially McAsshole.

Jen loves me. So does Steph… I love them back.

* * *

**Save Tonight**

" We're getting married," Meredith said that night. Her head rested on his chest as she stared at the ceiling.

" Yeah." George ran his fingers through her hair.

" What day?"

A small laugh escaped his lips, " Whenever is fine with me."

" Oh, come on!" She said eyes still attached to the wall. " I know you have some interest in this. Please pick the day."

" September 15."

" It's May 10th."

" Yeah, I know." George said plainly.

" Why September 15?"

" I don't know,"

" Oh, come on. It must have some significance."

" Yes. It's the day we're getting married." She smiled happily at his reply. " Good Night, Meredith."

" Night, Georgie," She snuggled closer to him keeping her eyes open. _I'm getting married. _

_>>_

_Dead. Dead. He was dead. Gone. Past away. No. I want him back. Now. You hear me? I want him back. You guys screwed it up. You took the wrong Derek Shepherd. And don't tell me that I'm wrong. I'm a mother. I stopped being wrong about 4 years ago_. Addison's thoughts penetrated her mind as she stared at the empty side of the bed._ His side. He should be there. Like he always was. He should've walked into the bathroom in one of his white wife beaters, and, played with his hair for a few minutes. Like he always did. Then, he should've given up, and whined to me about how he had problematic hair. Like he always did. I would correct him and tell him that there was no way that that was possible and that there wasn't a thing about him that wasn't sexy. Like I always did. Then he would smile at me and then he'd get into bed and I'd remind him "You are McDreamy." Like I always did. He'd laugh a little and finally slip under the covers on the left side of the bed. Then, he'd stare at me for a couple, 2 to be exact, minutes, before I asked him "What?" He would say nothing. Like he always did. He'd just roll back over his shoulder turn the light out and say, " I love you, Addi. Goodnight" Like he always did. He should've been there. Like he always was._

Addison silently mourned her dead husband as she watched the place he'd always been.

?>>

" Can you believe it? Our marshmallow is getting married!" Izzie said getting into bed with her glasses on.

" You make it sound as if he's your kid or something." Eric said smugly.

" He's not my kid; he's Georgie." Izzie stated firmly.

" Oh. I understand."

" You should." Izzie said taking her glasses of. " Good night."

" Good night."

>>

Meredith watched George as she sat in the loveseat of her room. She had the phone clamped to her ear.

" Hello." A sleepy voice answered.

" Hello?"

" Grey?"

" Yeah." She said shyly. " The one and only."

" It's 5:30."

" Yeah. So? It's 2:30 here."

" You want to talk to Cristina?"

" Yeah. If she's up."

" Yeah she is."

"Ok. Nice talking with you, Burke."

" Yeah. You too, Grey." Meredith could hear Burke yelling for Cristina.

" Mer?" Cristina said curiously.

" Yup."

" What are you doing?"

" I have something to tell you."

" Oh, my God. You're pregnant and it's Shepherd's isn't it?"

" Cristina! No. Never. God. I wouldn't do that. He was married." Meredith imagined how awful that would have been though._ Sleeping with Derek? The married with one child McDreamy? Never. I have George._

" Ok, well you had that tone."

" I didn't have a tone." Meredith argued.

" You did. It was very 'my life is about to suck massively."

" There was no tone. And if there was, it should've been a happy one."

" Really?"

" Yes. I'm engaged."

" Oh." Cristina said, laughing. " Your life is about to suck massively."

" Thanks! For the congratulations and everything."

" Congratulations are for the groom."

" Will you stop?" Meredith said annoyed.

" What?"

" Just tell me you're happy for me."

" Mer, I'm happy for you."

" Thank you." Meredith said, feeling reassured.

" But don't come crying to me when you're stressed out and whiny and moany."

_A brief shining moment and then that mouth._

>>

" Aww. Aren't they cute?" Izzie said to Eric as the entered Seattle Grace. Meredith and George were a few feet in front of them.

" Yeah, Iz."

" Ooh. I forgot I was going to offer to bake." Izzie ran to catch up with them. " Guys! Wait up!"

Eric simply watched and shook his head.

>>

Bug,

Let's talk. You haven't really been returning my messages…all 18 of them. Is something up? It's me. Chris. You know you can always, always talk to me. Always. And you always have. So talk to me. I hate being in the dark over here in the windy city.

Jessa keeps asking about you. She's so adorable. Have you heard back from Auntie Addi yet? How are her and K? Do you think I could come see them for the summer? Maybe help her out a bit? So it's not just me. Everyone's concerned. Even Ian. Yes, Ian. I'm serious, too. And I can't believe you went and visited Mom and Dad without telling me. Hello? Did you not want reinforcements? Addi. Please. Come on talk to me. I don't care if we have to communicate via carrier pigeons. Although that could get a little time consuming.

All my Love,

Christine.

Addison glared at her computer screen reading the e-mail from her sister._18 messages? How did I miss 18 messages?_ Then, it hit her. _Derek. Derek always checked the messages._ She smiled as she thought of the rant he had always given her about it._ Addison, what happens if I'm not here and someone leaves an important message? How will you ever know what's going on?_Suddenly, it wasn't so funny.

* * *

So...I'm sorry I haven't been updating at the speed of light anymore…SOMEONE stole my muse. You know who you are… And I know it was a huge filler, but I figured since so much major life changing stuff has been going on that it was time for a nice filler. 

Song by Eagle Eye Cherry.

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	15. Dream On

Slowly, I think my muse is returning to me. Although, she has a tendency to work at the oddest times…Like when I'm in the middle of watching my school's musical. Lol. Anyway, Addi's space outs are italicized. Oh and I don't own Grey's. Although, my season one DVD just arrived. But I guess that really doesn't count, does it?

* * *

**Dream On**

" Ready, Add?" Eric said on their way to Joe's bar. Addison swore he sounded just like Derek for that one brief moment.

_" Ready, Add?" Derek said taking her hand, preparing to make their grand entrance to the ballroom._

_"Ladies and Gentlemen, It is my pleasure to introduce to you, for the first time in public, the Drs. Shepherd." Addison gave a slight laugh as she walked through the open doors. _

" Dr. Shepherd?" George repeated, snapping Addi out of her daydream.

" Montgomery. Dr. Montgomery."

" Oh," Izzie and Meredith frowned sympathetically.

" Yeah. Let's go." Addison got up from her lobby seat, pushed the hospital doors open and felt the night's breeze fall upon her. Her black, polished leather Choo's clicked on the concrete as her pace heightened.

" You think she's ok?" Eric asked. He had arm wrapped around Izzie's shoulder to keep her warm.

" I hope so," Meredith said her fingers intertwined in George's.

" Come on, you slow pokes!" Addison shouted over her shoulder.

" Slow? Us?" George inquired while running to catch up. He towed Meredith behind him. Izzie and Eric followed suit.

" You know it's amazing you can walk that fast in those shoes." Izzie said admiring the piece of craftsmanship.

" Sheesh. You people really have never been to New York have you?"

" Hey. I've been to New York!" Meredith's small attempt was ignored as Eric pulled open the door to Joe's.

_Inside the wedding guests admired the pair, remarking how genuinely happy they looked. _

" _You're glowing." Derek whispered in her ear. Addison turned a shade of bright pink. " You're blushing."_

"_It's the make-up." She replied slyly. _

" So, champagne everyone?" George asked. Addison blinked a few times and nodded her head. " Joe, your finest champagne."

" What's the occasion?" Joe asked bringing flukes to the table. Meredith flashed Joe her ring. " Wow. Who's the lucky guy?" Meredith playfully punched him in the shoulder. " Oww. That hurt. Haven't you ever heard of not biting the hand who pours your drink?" Joe asked while pouring the drink. George took the first drink and stood.

"Well—," George said taking in a deep breathe.

"_ Well—I don't know about you guys, but I'd like to think that my best friend was a pretty suave guy. Well I have never seen a man go to Jell-O the way Derek did when he first saw Addi. And the man would NOT shut up about her." The guests laughed at Mark's best man speech. " Addi, I love ya, doll, but it was ridiculous. And you would think that the fact that she kept turning him down would you know stop the madness, but it didn't. Actually, I think with each rejection he came back more determined than he was before. Well, I have to say, 'Thanks Add. For finally saying yes. And allowing me to stand here and congratulate you two crazy kids on your new life together_."

" Yeah George!" Izzie said as the table clanked their glasses together. " Addi come on!"

" Huh." She shook herself back into reality. " Oh." She raised her glass. " Yeah, George!"

" You ok?" Joe asked.

" Yeah just a little tired that's all." She smiled sweetly at the gentle bear of a bartender.

" Ok." He said making a mental note to watch her alcoholic intake.

>>

" Addi, you going to be ok driving?" Izzie said leaning on the hood of Addi's BMW.

Addison stood across from her " Yeah. I'm totally fine."

" You su-."

" _Bug, you sure?" Christine asked crouching next to her sister. _

" _Yeah. Chris, it's no big deal," Addison said trying to disclose the hurt. "If Daddy's not feeling well we don't have to."_

" _Really? I mean, I know how excited you were for this." _

" _I'm a big girl Chris. I get it."_

" _I'll try to convince him otherwise." _

" _No, Chris. You really don't have to do this." _

" Addison!"

Once again, Addi came out of her dream, " Huh?"

" See this is what I mean. You've been spacing out all night."

" I'm just a little preoccupied. That's all."

" Are you sure? Cause I'd be happy to drive you."

" Iz, I appreciate your concern, but I'm fine."

" Seriously?"

" Seriously." Addison said with a convincing smile.

" Ok."

" Good night, Izzie."

" Good night, Addison. Drive safely."

" Yeah, you too." Addison slid into her car, and stuck her key in the ignition. With her arm stretched over the passengers seat, she began to back out of the parking space.

" _Bye, guys!" She said while waving through the back window of the limo. When she returned to look at Derek, she saw the rice and laughed. " You still have rice in your hair."_

_" What?" Derek asked while running is fingers through his hair, yet again. " How bout now?" Addison reached up and took the one grain that was hiding behind his ear._

" _There. Much better," She said staring into Derek's dark, chocolate brown eyes. He leaned in for a passionate kiss. Pulling away, she said, " We're married."_

_He smiled bigger than ever before, " We're married." _

Addison smiled at the memory, unaware of where she was heading.

>>

Joe dumped the remaining champagne from the glasses of the Seattle Grace doctor's party in to the sink and set the glasses down. He really was happy for Meredith and George; he was glad the kid had finally had the guts to ask her to marry him. It certainly had been a long time coming.

" JOE! JOE! Call 911. " Eric said rushing into Joe's, practically pulling the door off it's hinges.

" What happened?" Joe asked picking the phone up.

" There's been an accident. We need people out here now, Joe!"

" Yes. We seem to have an accident outside of 4412 West Highland Street."

>>

Meredith's cell phone went off as George began to open the door.

" Hello? I can't here you. What? Izzie, calm down. What happened? You're sure? Ok. We'll be there now." Meredith slowly hung up the phone while her face turned a ghostly shade of white.

" What's wrong?"

" Lock the door. We're going to the hospital. There's been an accident outside Joe's."

" Is it surgical?" George asked, excited for the possibility of an awesomely cool surgery

Meredith shook her head violently, "No. It's Addison."

* * *

My muse made me do it. I love Steph, Jen, Mel, and the rest of the Addek gang. You guys officially rock my 'I HEART ADDEK' socks! Hehee. And how adorable was that Addek scene? I was like _thisclose_ to giving McAsshole his rightful name back and then he has to go and be secret friends with Meredith, who is the evilest for what she did to our poor Georgie! You know what I'm really interested for on the show, for Meredith and Addison to talk again. I mean, those two probably have a lot in comon if you think about it.. 

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	16. Times Like These

Ok don't freak out on me, please. You have to trust me and Kate. We know what we're doing really. So take a deep breathe, relax, and read the chapter.

* * *

**Times Like These**

" I should've stopped her. I should've taken her keys hostage." Izzie said pacing back and forth in the hospital's waiting room.

" Izzie, it's not your fault. It's no one's fault."

" I knew something was up though. I knew. I should've taken charge. I should've forced her not to drive.' She continued to pace. " Because of me, that little girl could loose another parent."

" Izzie," Meredith shook her head back and forth, " that's not going to happen. She's going to be ok."

" What if it's not? What if she's really gone?" Izzie's eyes began to swell as she sat down next to her friend. " It'll have been my fault."

" No. No. She's going to be fine. She's Addison. She's a mom. She can do anything. Including come back from this."

Dr. Murphy approached Izzie and Meredith with the news, " Doctors."

>>

Eric was sitting in the Montgomery home waiting impatiently for the phone to ring. Both girls had sent him there to keep an eye on Kennedy.

" Eric," Kennedy came and sat in his lap. " What's we waiting for?"

" We're waiting for Izzie or Meredith to call."

" Izzie? She's pretty. Like mommy is."

Eric smiled, nodding in agreement, " Yeah. She is,"_ Dear God let this phone ring. _

_>>_

" You can see her now if you'd like." Dr. Murphy said after explaining Addison's condition. " Room 4415,"

" Ok. Thank you Doctor," Izzie said before rushing down the hall trying to find the room.

" Iz, wait up," Meredith said speeding up to catch her.

" 4403, 4404, 4405, 4406. Damn it!" Izzie said frantically trying to find the room. "4411, 4412, 4413, 4414, 4415." Izzie stopped at the door. " 4415." She repeated while tracing the numbers on the room plaque with her index finger. " 4415."

" Izzie! There you are!" Meredith said almost out of breath. " You want to go in."

Izzie just stood in the same spot tracing the numbers over and over again, "4415." She whispered almost silently.

" You don't have to go in if you don't want to."

" No. I want to."

" Ok."

" Ok." Izzie said, pulling the doors open. The constant beeping of Addison's heart monitor rang through the room. " Oh, God." Izzie said, seeing the multiple scrapes and gashes on Addison's face.

>>

" Eric, when's Mommy coming home?" Kennedy asked in her pj's holding on to Dr. Fuzz.

" Umm. I don't know, K. She had a-," The phone began to ring in mid sentence.

" Hello?" Eric answered promptly. No one replied. " Hello?" He hung up.

" Was that them?" Kennedy asked, her brown haired bobbed back and forth.

" No."

" When's Mommy getting home?"

" K, I don't know." He said in an exasperated tone.

" When will you?"

" Hopefully when Meredith or Izzie calls."

" Ok." Kennedy said with a giant yawn.

" You want to go to sleep?"

" No," She smiled a dreary smile.

>>

" No change?" George said peering into Addison's room.

" No change." Meredith confirmed.

" You going home?" George asked.

" You can." Izzie said, refusing to take her eyes off Addison. " You should. Sober up a little."

" You should go home, too."

" I'm not going home. I'm staying here."

" Iz?" George gave a pleading look.

" No, I'm staying here! She has no one."

" I think I'm staying too George."

George nodded his head in understanding. " Ok. Well, would you at least call Eric? He's probably freaking out."

" Oh, My God. Eric! We forgot to call Eric." Meredith trudged through her tote bag looking for her phone.

" Hey, Er. So sorry!"

" How is she?" Eric said making his way away from Kennedy who was watching Dora the Explorer.

" She's unconscious, and she broke 2 ribs."

" So she should be fine."

" When she wakes up yes."

" Ok. Uh. What should I tell Kennedy?"

" Umm. I guess just tell her."

" You want me to tell a four year old that her mother got into a car accident?"

" She's a Shepherd. She spews knowledge."

" Ok. I trust you." Eric hung up the phone and walked back into the TV room. " Kennedy."

" Was that them?"

" Yeah. It was Meredith. You remember her, right?"

Kennedy put on her best thinker pose, " I think so."

_How am I supposed to do this?_" Ok. Well she called to say that…umm. Mommy got in an accident."

" What kind of accident?"

" A car accident."

" Did Mommy go to heaven?"

Eric nearly broke down in tears, " No. Mommy's not in heaven."

" She's not with daddy?"

" She's not with daddy."

" Or Madeline?"

" Who is Madeline, Kennedy?"

" Madeline's my sister. Mommy said she's in heaven with Daddy."

" Oh." _Addison and Derek had another kid?_

" We visited her in New Ork."

" Ok."

" So if Mommy's not in heaven where is she?"

" Mommy's in the hospital."

" Well, Mommy's always in the hospital, silly!"

>>

A few hours later, Izzie glanced over at the sleeping Meredith. She had In Style Bride draped across her knee. The monitor was still beeping at an even pace, " So. I know that everything is probably really bright and glowing up there. And Derek's up there and you're really happy to see him cause I know you miss him a lot. But the thing is we still need you down here. Kennedy still needs you. Meredith, who will never admit it, needs you. I need you. So, if you could just wake up that would be very nice."

" She will," George said standing at the door.

Startled, Izzie turned back to face him, " Promise?"

" Promise. You should probably get some sleep."

" No, I can't sleep."

" So, you're just going to sit there?"

" Yeah."

" She'd want you to sleep."

" Maybe." Izzie watched as George carried Meredith out the door.

" Good night, Izzie."

" Good night."

Eric cell phone vibrated in his pocket waking him up from a deep sleep, on the Montgomery couch with Kennedy curled up next to him and Twizzler on the arm rest. He saw 'Izzie' on the caller ID

" Eric?"

" Yeah, Iz?" he said sleepily.

" What if she doesn't wake up?"

" She will. She can fight through this."

" What if she doesn't want to?"

" What do you mean?"

" What if she doesn't want to? What if she's happy? What if she really misses Derek?"

" She's always going to miss Derek. And you think she doesn't want to watch Kennedy grow up? Get married? Have kids?"

" I know. But what if she doesn't?"

" She will. I promise."

" Did I wake you?"

" No,"

" Liar."

" Did you sleep at all?" He looked at the clock on the wall. _1:44_

" No."

" You should."

" I can't."

" You should try to. You're going to have a long day tomorrow."

" I can't leave this room."

" Iz, I know she's your friend and you're worried about her, but you should get some rest. Seriously."

" I'll try. Thanks Eric. Go back to bed."

He smiled, " I will. Good night."

" Good night." Izzie shut her phone and continued to watch Addison. She sat there praying that Addi'd just wake up.

* * *

So. You like? I know, I know, Addi's not awake, but at least she's breathing! Trust me though. I have this all under control. FooFighters take claim to this song. It's actually pretty good. Anyway. You know what to do... 

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	17. Stairway to Heaven

You guys are lucky I got sick today, because all I did was right. I hope you enjoy it.

* * *

**Stairway to Heaven**

Six hours later, Izzie paced slowly in front of Addison's bed, counting every step. _One, two, three. One, two, three. One, two, three. _A nurse walked into the room and Izzie stopped pacing to watch the exam.

" How is she?" Izzie asked.

" She should be fine."

" Once she wakes up." Izzie finished the sentence she had said to herself many times before. The nurse nodded in agreement.

" Dr. Stevens, may I suggest that you go home maybe. Get a few hours of sleep?"

" I'm fine here, thanks." Izzie retreated to the small love seat as the nurse left the room. _Addi, you've got to wake up._

_>>_

Eric awoke with The Little Mermaid sheets wrapped tightly around him. _Well, if this isn't fancy New York living, I don't know what is. _He stretched his back, attempting to get it back into its normal position. Eric twisted until he heard a loud crack. Feeling relieved he walked into the kitchen, where Kennedy was at the head of the table with a bowl of cereal. He laughed once he saw the trail of milk and Honey Nut Cheerios that lead to the kitchen counter.

" Why didn't you wake me up? I could've made you cereal."

" I tried. You were out like a light." He nodded remembering what a heavy sleeper he was. " Eric, is Mommy coming home?"

" Not yet, sweetie. Not yet."

>>

_One, two, three. One, two, three. One, two, three. One, two, three. _

" Are you counting?" Meredith asked shaking Izzie out of her repetitive movement.

" I'm pacing." Izzie said denying it.

" You were counting. I saw your lips moving."

" You've just had to much sleep." She said shaking her head.

" And you haven't had enough." Meredith countered quickly.

" I couldn't sleep."

" And you didn't want to."

" Someone had to look out for her."

" Who's going to look after you?"

" I'm fine." Izzie swiped the magazine she had been reading of the bedside table.

" You two both say that. You guys think that if you keep saying it enough you'll finally believe yourselves."

" That's not fair. She's _allowed_ to not be fine."

" Then why won't she? Why put on this great big mask?"

" Cause that's a lot easier than accepting the fact that he's not here."

" It wasn't Alex's fault."

" I wasn't talking about him. I was talking about Derek."

" It's been two years, Iz. Eric's here, now. Eric loves you. He tries SO hard. Everyday, you have him thinking, 'Maybe, today she'll forget.' You've got to get over it!" Meredith had just reopened some very deep wounds. Wounds that should've stayed closed.

" Like you got over McDreamy! Meredith, Cristina had to kick you out of bed! You were sitting there whining about how Addison had stolen everything from you! Do NOT talk to me about GETTING OVER HIM!" She spat. Maybe, Addison realized something drastic had to be done. Maybe, she wanted it to stop.

Or maybe, she just had really bad timing. Whatever the case, she began to flat line.

Slipping into 'doctor mode', the pair immediately called the code. Dr. Murphy and the code team's nurses ran eagerly into the room.

" Charge to 200." Murphy strictly instructed.

" 200."

" Clear." Meredith stood there as volts of electricity shocked through her friend's body. Yes. Addison Forbes Montgomery was her friend.

Izzie glanced up at the monitor, no change. She prayed desperately for everything to be ok. Addi didn't deserve this. Kennedy didn't deserve this. No on deserved this.

" 300."

" 300." The nurse confirmed.

" Clear." Shock. Addison's chest slowly began to rise and fall and the monitor was picking up. The eerie noise of the flat line was gone and the steady beep, beep, beep had taken back its rightful spot.

>>

" PEASE, ERIC! PEASE! PEEEEEEAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSE!" Kennedy begged Eric take her to the hospital!

" Kennedy! I told you!"

" BUT PEEEEEAAAAASSE!"

" Kennedy, stop!"

" PPPEAAAAASSSSEEE!"

" KENNEDY ELIZABETH MONTGOMERY SHEPHERD!" Kennedy silenced immediate. He had used her full name. She knew that he meant business. " Thank you," he said, reaching into his back pocket to grab his vibrating cell.

" Newport." He said.

" Hey, Eric." Izzie said softly.

" Hey, babe. You ok?"

" I am. But Addison."

" What about her, Iz? Is she..?" He said looking sadly at the sweet little girl.

" No, she's alive. She just," Izzie, choking on her words, started to sob.

" Eric?" Meredith's voice replaced " She flat lined."

" But she's ok?"

" Yes. They got her back at 300."

" Ok. " Rethinking his previous rejection, "Can I bring Ken in? She should see her."

" She's so little though."

" She should see her." He restated firmly. " Addison is her mother."

Giving in, " She should see her."

" Thank you."

" I'll see you here."

" Yup." He flipped his cell phone and turned to Kennedy. " Get dressed. We're going to the hospital."

" YESSSSSSSSSS!" The little girl scurried up the stairs screaming with joy.

>>

" She's not going to look the way you're used to. She's got a boo boo." Meredith warned at the door of Addison's room.

" I know." Kennedy said eagerly watching the door.

" She's not going to talk to you either. She's sleeping."

" I know, Meredith!" Kennedy had already received this lecture on the drive there.

" Ok." Meredith opened the door and Kennedy scrambled in. Izzie was seated in the love seat with her big, puffy, red eyes.

" Hi, Ken." Izzie croaked out. Kennedy didn't hear her though.

" Hi, Mommy." Kennedy said, her feet planted in front of the bed. " Mommy?" Kennedy acknowledged Izzie's presence, " She can't hear me?"

" No, sweetie," Izzie clutched a tissue to her nose. " She can't"

>>

Kennedy sat in Izzie's lap on the love seat next to Addison's bed while Eric sat in the other one. Silently, the pair watched Addison, as if she was a glad figure.

Izzie gently whispered in Kennedy's ear, " They say daughters have a healing touch." Izzie gestured towards Addison. Kennedy slowly reached out towards her mother, but before she could touch skin the violent moan of the flat line filled the room.

"Mommy?" Kennedy asked as Izzie pulled her away and the code team ran into the room. " MOMMY!"

Addison felt herself float weightlessly. She stopped and sunlight beamed across the floor under her. She saw a dark figure walk towards her. She could barely make out whom it was. _God? _" Hello?" She asked wearily. The figure stepped before her and she saw that they were carrying something. " Hello?" Finally, she was able to make out who it was, " Derek?"

" Hello, Addi."

* * *

Don't look at me like that! I know, you're mad. Really mad. But I had too. Kate made me. Lol. I love Steph, Jen, and Mel. And Kayli and Kendel, those were some hysterical moments at TI. Lol...I will never be able to enter that forum ever again without thinking of that. 

REVIEW!


	18. Stairway to Heaven Part II

Ok. It's short. I'm not going to lie. It's like pathetically short…

Which is going to give me a good excuse to babble on about this week's epi. Cause hello! It was fan-freaking-tastic. Derek got McDreamy back! WAHOO! I was like jumping up and down and screaming… It was awesome! And OMFG! KW totally looks like Catherine Deneuve. It's just another reason to swoon over KW. Lol. And Derek when he immediately perked up hearing Addison's laugh.. I was like "Aww he knows her laugh!" And umm what else? Lol. I guess I should stop. Obviously, you guys have all come to read the story and not to hear about my sad and pathetic obsession…

So without further ado….

* * *

**Stairway to Heaven**

**Part II**

"MOMMY!" Kennedy screamed while banging on the door to Addison's room.

" Kennedy, stop!" Izzie walked over the door and began to pull the child away.

"NOOOOO! MOMMY!" Kennedy continued to scream as Izzie grabbed her. " GET AWAY FROM ME!" Kennedy bit Izzie's hand and ran back to the door. " MOMMY!"

Meredith got a glimpse of Kennedy racing towards the door. Her eyes raced frantically between Addison and Kennedy.

" CLEAR!" Murphy shouted, as if saying louder might help her heart beat return.

" Derek. I missed you." Addi raced into his embrace, letting the tears fall freely down her face.

" I missed you."

"MOMMY!" Kennedy threw her small, ineffectual fist at the door repeatedly. " MOMMY!"

Eric came out of the room, and forcefully said, " STOP!"

" Thank you." Izzie said greatfully, noticing the grim look on his face.

" Izzie. Time of..of," He choked on the words he had been forced to say so many times before.

Izzie stopped. The world stopped. Everything crumbled. She leaned against the wall and slid down it. Tears fell in even streaks down her face. " She's.." Eric nodded. By this time, the curious four year old had walked into the room and saw doctors shutting her mother's monitors off.

" Mommy?" Meredith froze as Kennedy came waltzing in to the room.

"Oh no." She whispered, launching herself at the child. The doctors froze and turned around, and just as Meredith reached Kennedy, Eric came back in to the room.

"Don't touch her." He hissed, causing Meredith to jump. "She needs to see her mother."

"But Eric..."

"I'm not kidding, Meredith. Let her." Meredith nodded and stepped back, watching as Kennedy made her way to the bed. The other doctors stepped away from the bed, warily eyeing Eric. They didnt think this was the best idea...but pediatricians knew best.

"Mommy?" Kennedy's hand touched Addisons and she jumped back, a gasp escaping her lips.

Addison gasped. "Derek...someone just touched me."

"Addie..."

"I'm not kidding. I think..."

Kennedy laced her fingers through her mothers and ran one hand up and down Addison's arm. "Mommy wake up. Mommy, wake up. Mommy, WAKE UP!" Kennedy began to scream, startling the other doctors and shaking Meredith and Eric out of the trance they had gone in to once Kennedy had reached Addison. "MOMMY! MOMMY WAKE UP!" Kennedy screamed as Eric stepped up behind her, swooping her in to his arms and carrying her out of the room. "MOMMY!"

Addison ran her hand up and down her arm. "I swear, Derek...someone was touching me."

"I used to feel that too, Add. Right after...It was like someone was placing their hands on my chest, on my face..."

Addison began to sob. "Me. I was touching you." Addison fell to her knees. "Who...?" She gasped. "Kennedy!"

Eric took the little girl in to the on-call room, trying to calm her down. Izzie and Meredith had stayed with Addison, saying goodbye, leaving Eric to explain what had happened. He was better with kids anyway.

"Mommy...mommy...Eric I want mommy..."

It was all Eric could do not to kick something. He wanted to bring Addison back to life and kill her for hurting this child. "K...honey, remember how Mommy got a boo boo?" Kennedy nodded. "Her boo boo..." Eric sighed. He did not just say 'boo boo' twice. "She got really sick honey. Like...like your Daddy."

Kennedy shrieked. "Where's Mommy?"

"Kennedy..."

"Is she...is she in Heaven with Daddy?"

Eric silently cursed the Shepherds for doing this. "Yeah, baby, she is."

Addison gripped Derek's hand. "I can't be here. I have to go back. She just lost you, she can't lose me too...Derek..."

"Addison...she's in good hands."

* * *

umm yeah.. You guys hate me.. but I will redeem myself… with a sequel.. I swear. You just need to calm down and stop throwing things at me… Seriously guys…put the tomatoes down….

I love love love Steph, Mel, and Jen…Seriously, these guys are like my second brain. They're all so talented and lovely... even if they hate me too.

REVIEW… to tell me how mad at me you are…

By the way…there's an epilogue…and a sequel, where I'll be redeeming myself.


	19. Elizabeth

Hey...This is it guys. Well until I get my sequel up, which could be a while… Cause I might want to write a few one shots... I can't believe it. After you work so hard to produce a product people like and then it's just ending... It's sad. Esp. since this is the story's second month anniversary. Ok. Enough of my sap story.. here it is, the last chapter of Baby's in Black.

* * *

**Elizabeth**

It didn't rain this time. Dark clouds loomed over the city and a breeze blew through on this May day. Izzie's hair whipped around her face as she spoke, "I used to call her Satan. We all did.. I never really got over that guilt. Because Satan was the one thing Addison Montgomery Shepherd wasn't. She was smart, strong, gorgeous, brave, and witty. It wasn't until I buried the hatchet and started to treat her like a person, did I realize that.

"She was everything I thought I wasn't, but she helped me see all the things I was. That I was smart. Confident. Brave. That was her other thing, she brought out the best in everyone…if they'd let her." Izzie glared pointedly at Meredith. " But no matter what, the best thing about Addison was that she was there. She was my shoulder to cry on. She was a listener to all my rants and even if she's not here in front of me right now, she'll always be there."

" You were good," Eric whispered in her ear once she sat down.

" I wish I had told her." Izzie kept her eyes focused on the alter.

" She knew."

>>

Addison would rest eternally next to Derek. Izzie's eyes scanned the engraving on the gravestone.

_Addison Forbes Montgomery-Shepherd_

_October 18, 1970-May 15, 2012_

_There are no mistakes, no coincidences. All events are blessings given to us to learn from._

Reading it aloud next to her, Meredith asked, " Who's that by?"

" Elizabeth Kubler-Ross." Izzie said smiling.

_Izzie read aloud the first quote on the open page of Addison's book of quotes, shortly before Kennedy's birth, "There are no mistakes, no coincidences. All events are blessings given to us to learn from."_

_Addison smiled. " That's got to be my favorite one in there."_

_" Elizabeth Kubler Ross?" Izzie questioned reading the name out of the book._

_" Yes. She was a psychologist. I heard her lecture once and she said that."_

_" Smart woman." Izzie said looking over her mentor in her hospital gown._

_" I thought so too."_

" Izzie." Christine interrupted by coming up to the group. " Can you umm stick around the umm lawyers need to speak with you, about the will, I mean."

" Yes. Absolutely."

" Ok, great." Christine walked off, leaving party of four all confused.

" She put you in her will?" George questioned.

" I guess." Izzie smiled proudly.

>>

At the wake, everyone was seated in the Shepherd home, afraid to move, afraid to speak. They continued to stay in this weird limbo for nearly ten minutes, before Christine broke the silence.

" I remember once when she was a junior in high school, Addi snuck out of the house, she was going to some party, I can't remember why. But anyway, she's out and about and at 4:30 in the morning, the day before finals, I get this call and Addi's all the way down in New Jersey…" From this, other stories began to rise. Meredith told the bench story. George remembered his encounter with Bex. Izzie jumped into a story about how every one in the surgical wing dressed up in salmon scrubs for her 40th birthday, while Eric sat in a comfortable silence with the occasional laugh.

It was just as Izzie said; Addison was there.

>>

Mr. Ronald Cornell was a tall man, at about 6' 1", Izzie predicted. He had a very professional look to him, black suit, white collared shirt, and a striped tie.

" Well we need to talk about a few things that Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd left in your possession. The most significant is legal guardianship to Ms. Kennedy Montgomery-Shepherd."

Izzie gave him a weird look. _Did he say guardianship_? " Excuse me. I thought you said guardianship."

" I did. Dr. Shepherd suspected some confusion on your part, and left you this." Mr. Cornell said, handing Izzie a white envelope. She opened it to reveal a slip of paper. It had been part of the calendar of mothers quotes Izzie had bought Addison during her 7-week stay at the hospital before the birth of Kennedy.

_May 8th 2008_

_A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials, heavy and sudden, fall upon us; when adversity takes the place of prosperity; when friends who rejoice with us in our sunshine, desert us when troubles thicken around us, still will she cling to us, and endeavor by her kind precepts and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts._

_Washington Irving_

Izzie flipped the paper over to see, in Addison's small chicken scratch like print.

_All events are blessings given to us to learn from. Take care of my girl._

_Addison_

* * *

I guess most of you expected that, but anyway. I love Steph, Jen, and Mel. Seriously. Like seriously, seriously love them. And my orgy team over at TI… If you don't get it, don't ask… 

And you loyal reviewers...it's nice when you update a chapter and can always depend on a select few to review no matter how crappy the writing is…

Song by Frank Sinatra. It's actually pretty good.

Please review… Cause you know this is the end. Please. Don't make the crying girl beg!


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